so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
