What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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