no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
