With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
