hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
