brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
