i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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