when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
