Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
