Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
