my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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