We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
