just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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