when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Blood and glitter go together right?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
