drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Randomize
