i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
