I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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