Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
