I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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