he wants to bone in the snuggie
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
