I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
