ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
you never un-have a 4some
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
