I am puke
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
