talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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