hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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