WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
It's rum buckets o'clock
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
