Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
