my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
how drunk are you?
Several
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
