I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
