I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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