It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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