im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
