My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
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