she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
