My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
What drink are we having for lunch?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
