I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
of course. lets lasso hookers.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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