The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
