If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
