My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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