Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
