She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
