**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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