One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
