Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
did you just send me my own nude
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
