Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I wish I only lived at night.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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