I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder meâ€
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