Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
