yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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