I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'm just crazy horny about you
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
