The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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